Choices

Well... Lets start this off by saying:

Life is extremely hard!

Nothing prepares you for life.

Sitting here right now I feel lost, confused, worried, overwhelmed, and every emotion in the book!

But these are the most important moments in life, feeling this is okay!

Life is hard for a reason. 

We as individuals are supposed to make mistakes. If we don't make mistakes we will have nothing to grow from or develop from. 

Growing up is scary because most of us feel we should follow the way of our parents or guardians. College is the perfect way to truly figure out who you are! Choosing the classes ,what you spend your money on, or going to church .... It is all YOUR choice. 

These are all choices I have had to face... I have grown so much in these two weeks on my own. I have had to make some decisions I never had to think about.. 

I now go to church because I enjoy and love going. Before being alone sometimes I questioned whether I enjoyed church or if it was just something I got used to doing on sundays. When I walk into church now I fully understand why I choose to go. The blessings that come to me are so incredible, I can now see church is something I will forever appreciate and I will one day full heartedly bring children into this gospel. I couldn't be happier. 

Honestly, it took me awhile to get to this place in my life. I can't tell you I have everything figured out  and I also have a LONG way to go, but I can tell you I now have the perfect foundation to start my life over and live the way I wish I grew up in. 

This is the time I need to grow up and live my life. I can't worry anymore about anyones negative opinions or advice. The individuals who don't understand will NEVER understand. They had the choice to live a healthy life but chose not to. I just want to tell all of you that no matter what you choose in life, follow your heart. Don't ever let anyones opinions change the way you live your life because in the end they won't be there, it will just be you and the choices you made. 

It's time for me to move forward. 

No one can break me anymore, I have fully protected myself. 

The choices I now make will be how I choose to develop myself. 

But every individual needs to start off somewhere.

I will just start off choosing...

To be happy. 

xoxo

Alexis

Forgiveness

Over these past few weeks I was able to read the novel Frankenstein written by Mary Shelley. I had to read this novel for one of my classes this semester.

I was told to write an essay basically answering why Frankenstein went from being a highly intelligent, reflective, and sensitive person to a horrific monster.  

Basically, I was able to compare this prompt to my life! 

Human Developments are very important stages in every individual's upbringing. It is very important to go through each of the stages in order to fully grow and be emotionally and mentally secure.

You may be wondering how this has anything to do with my life...

I currently have an individual in my life that I have no steady contact with. I constantly felt shame and disapproval when around this individual. I realized this relationship wasn't healthy and I needed to set limits to protect myself. 

I wondered for the longest time how one individual was capable of hurting so many people around him/her. 

The answer was there all the time: It is a learned behavior!

Frankenstein learned to hate humans because of their lack of attention and social interactions. 

This individual I have in my life has learned to push people away, take the negative from every situation, and push problems onto others. He/She learned these behaviors from their parent and will never fully understand the wrong choices they make. 

The real question I had: How can you blame someone for something they do not know they do wrong?

My answer: It may not be their fault that they are the way they are, but it is their fault they treat you the way they do. BUT DO NOT BLAME THEM FOR ANYTHING!  Blame really takes everything out of you! Honestly, I never fully understood how forgiving someone can open your mind to so many new things! 

I do not forgive this individual for everything they did wrong, I forgave them for not understanding. I learned I can still be upset for the things they did in the past, but I should not be upset for something they are doing now. 

I learned to protect myself from this individual. Anything they choose to do now cannot hurt me because I refuse to let it. 

I hope this helps some of you, if not I hope you can learn my story. 

xoxo,

Alexis